Long Road Ahead

This post will be about just Brayden. Man it is has been such a rough few weeks with him. His behavior has been so out of control and I am so stressed. I feel so alone and so judged by everyone. I have such a hard time taking him anywhere. He doesn't understand things and him not being in control makes him tantrum. People at the park, the mall, the doctors office, anywhere he has an episode, make horrible remarks about my son and my parenting and it hurts. I try to ignore them and brush it off but it sticks with you. People can judge me all they want but when they start saying remarks like he is a bad kid and a brat then I tell them to mind their own business and leave. We try so hard to raise a well- balanced toddler but we have to deal with things that no one can understand unless they have had a child with Autism. People need to see with love and compassion and just freaking chill out!!

Well now that little self venting is over with I feel much better. We have been taking Brayden to a therapist but they can not fully diagnose until they are 4. We are so frustrated with doctors and therapists lately, we go into somebody new and they refer us to someone else, every time it costs a lot and we feel like we are just running in circles. We have decided that we will continue to do Kids On the Move Intervention Program and get more out of them, like more OT and classes when Brayden can cope with structure more. The program ends when he turns 3 which will be in November, then he will start going to a special preschool through the school district in January and we will have to find a specialist to come out after that. We want to start going to a new pediatrician who specializes in behavioral problems because we just aren't getting anything out of the one we have now. Whenever we go in it just makes more questions unresolved.

With how things have been and we are not seeing much improvement. I feel that Brayden has some form of Autism. Either high functioning or Aspergers. He has so many of the signs and traits, A part of me doesn't want to let go that he is just behind. It's a pretty strong feeling that I believe he is Autistic, we have decided that until he is 4 and we can get the proper diagnostic and we will know for sure by then. We are saying he has Autism. A part of me still hopes that between now and then he will suddenly catch on and just take off and not be Autistic. I guess only time will tell. Yes I am grieving and it is hard to deal with as a mom. I blame myself everyday, my seizure medications, could have been the reason, but I wouldn't have my boys here without them and its not proven. Everyone tells me not to blame myself but I do. I do not blame vaccines. This is completely my opinion. Vaccines are more good than harmful and their is no proof that leads them to Autism.

I have to say that I have had hard time this past week just finding my patience to handle Brayden. I call my mom everyday in tears just to break away to reality for 5 minutes. I am constantly on a emotional roller coaster with this boy. He does not understand things, that is our biggest problem. He doesn't understand that I can not wrestle with him at that very second because I am changing brothers diaper but if he would wait a minute I would. He doesn't understand that pushing brother is not nice or acceptable. He doesn't understand if he holds still he will get a treat. Autism is so hard to try and understand. I know that he thinks more simple than I do, he is only 2 after all. I know he doesn't understand things and it frustrates him and me. I know when he catches on to talking it will make it just a little more easy. I know he doesn't understand and that's why I need to change how I go about things. I need to be more patient and try to see where he is coming from and I need to be the mom that he needs and depends on me to be. The understanding needs to come from me first before he can. I know he will learn and just grow. I just want it fixed now, its hard for me to see kids younger than him just talking away and socializing. I want that so bad. I know I shouldn't compare but every mom does it and I have gotten better about it. Once I understand him better then I can adapt and make it easier for him.

He is such a stinking goober! I love everything about this little man, I love that he is a wild man who runs, not walks, everywhere and watches the Christmas Mickey Mouse 50 times a day (yes that does get annoying) I love his contagious smile. He will run up to any adult and grab their hand forand make them  chase him and give them that beautiful full of love and innocence smile. I love that he loves his Daddy so much and wants him to kiss him and tickle him. He is so smart when it comes to the iphone matching games and the iphone in general. I think he may know it better than mommy now. We will be selling them at the end of this month though and getting regular phones so the money we save will go to an Ipad. He response very well to anything electronic. I love that he still needs me to cuddle him a few times a day. He will climb on my lab and make me put my arms around him. I love being his mom and I would not change any thing about him. He is my Brayden, yes he is very very stubborn and more work than you will ever know. He is my flesh and blood, he is my son and nothing can change that. It is a struggle everyday to work with him but I know things will get easier for me and him.  yes I will have bad days and question my motherhood, I will cry, get frustrated that's to be expected. I just have to take it one day at a time and try and make everyday a serenity for my little boy.

Thank you to my friends and neighbors who have helped and giving me kind words of encouragement. They help me so much. Thanks to my husband who puts up with me and works by my side to help with Brayden, he is a amazing father, most men can not cope or handle a child with Autism, But he handles him so well and understands him better than I do. No words can describe how much he means to me. Braydens problems has brought us closer together and yes it is hard on our marriage but we have come together more and will never give up on him! I hope that I can be a help to someone someday that will be going through the same things as I have. I wish I had someone to walk me through it and just explain how all this works. It is so complex and confusing and you feel emotions that others just don't understand. I want others to know that if I can do it, so can you and what you are thinking, feeling, questions you have are all normal. You do not have a normal child, you have to adapt and change your ways and it is really hard to do. I hope that someday others could stop judging and just accept things the way the are with open arms and a smile!

Our Journey through Autism is just beginning and yes we have a long, rough, wonderful road ahead of us!!

April Showers bring on the Flowers

So I am trying to turn my blog into a journal device since I truly Suck at keeping a journal and have a horrible memory, so this Team Morton Blog is really a tool for me to remember the precious time I have with my family and I am not going to "Sugar Coat" it. If its TMI for you , don't read it :) On a happy note I like reading other's blogs and keeping up with other families. Technology sure is wonderful!

March: Just a update on this past month. Team Morton had another rough sick month. My children are cursed with my weak immune system, sorry boys. Brayden had a fever of 105 for 5 days at the beginning of this month. My poor baby was miserable laying on the couch cuddling with his Pluto pillow. Horrible body aches that he would just whine and little tears would trickle down his face. Totally broke mommas heart. We kept having to take him outside to cool him off cause we really didn't want to take him to the ER if it got to 106. I would rather deal with pneumonia then that high of a fever. Sadly on the 4th day he just wouldn't stop crying no matter how much I held him, tried to distract him, he cried for a straight hour, as I was holding him trying to comfort him, his eyes rolled into the back of head and his little body started convulsing in my arms. I knew he was having a seizure and held him tight. It only lasted for about 30 seconds and he woke up a few seconds later, really out of it just looking at me. I called Josh and he came home right away and we took him to the doctors. Thank my lucky stars Jordan was taking a nap. Brayden was still crying and not walking by the time we got to the doctors office. After some simple tests and cuddle time with daddy he started feeling better and started walking again. It is a very difficult thing to watch, as a mother, your baby have a seizure cause there is absolutely nothing you can do to. Sadly this wasn't the first time he has had a seizure. When he was 10 months old, we just moved to Utah and he got super sick and was hospitalized for 2 days for dehydration and had 2 seizures. They are called febrile seizures. The cause is high fever. We took him home and showered him with love and snuggles. The next day he fever was gone and he was running around like a mad man again, little stinker. Also this month all 4 of this 4 year molars started coming in, so I have been dealing with a cranky little punk! :) Brayden also started Occupational therapy this month to help with some of his sensory issues with food and his super high energy. This kid doesn't eat... it is the most frustrating thing ever!!! We did see a specialist for Autism this month but you can't really diagnose full Autism until they are 4, so we are just getting the documents in order so we can get him more help with the intervention program and when he starts preschool he will be going to a special one that fits his needs. He has said a few new words this month like, bye bye, oh no, and balloon. Only once though and can't get him to say them again. But he is pointing at things he wants now, so that is huge progress for him. Its silly how something so little can make such a huge difference and I know he is at the level of a 15 month old and can be extremely frustrating at times but I am happy for his little steps, it makes me appreciate them more.

Brayden super sick and snuggling with Pluto

Jordan turned 7 months old this month!! The poor thing can not catch a break on being sick though. The first two weeks he was teething super bad and not sleeping, never wanted to be put down and just plain grumpy. His two bottom teeth finally came and he still had a very runny nose and congestion and a fever. So I took him in on a Friday and found out he had a bad sinus infection so he was put on a antibiotic. Such a rough weekend, he would wake up every hour just screaming and screaming, Josh and I would take turns walking around with him, singing and nothing calmed him down. He was the same during the day too. By Wednesday I had enough and took him back in and found out he had a bad ear infection along with his sinus infection. He was put on a stronger different antibiotic and around the 4th day he was finally the happy boy that mommy had missed SO much. Brayden has never had an ear infection ever, so I was blown away when I found out Joey had one!! People say that bottle fed babies are more likely to have ear infections and he was all bottle. Jordan won't take a bottle and is all breastfed. Total opposite of the statics.. of course my kids are. haha He finally started feeling better and randomly he started tugging at his ears the past few days and not sleeping again, I took him in yesterday and his stupid ear infection never went away and came back worse!!! My poor poor baby. So we are on a even stronger antibiotic and if it doesn't go away in 10 days then he has to have a big nasty shot. If it still not gone, then he will most likely get tubes and get it drained :( I really hope it doesn't have to come to that. Also he lost 3 pounds and just wouldn't eat so I lost my milk supply even though I pumped, and he won't take a bottle but loves his sippy cup, so I can't nurse anymore and when I gave him his first "bottle" I cried and cried and cried. I wasn't ready to let go of that bond just yet. My tubes are now tied and I will not be having another child of my own and it really just hit me super hard. In the future we are planning on doing Foster Care because my mission as a new mom just isn't finished yet.

my Happy boys

On a happier note on April 4, 2013 he started crawling today!! EEKKK I could tell a few weeks ago that he was getting so close and I thought by 8 months he would be, but not this soon the little stinker!! Time to put up the gates, Brayden is not going to like that. Joey loves loves his brother and tries to "get" him all the time and just watches every thing he does and smiles when he does something silly. Brayden is finally warming up to him since he is getting more mobile and on his terms he will pick him up and try to wrestle with him, cutest thing ever. They both love it when daddy holds Joey and chases Brayden around the house and puts Joeys butt in Braydens face...Boys. We have discovered that Jordan is pretty shy even to daddy. If I am holding him Josh will say Hi and he will hide his face in my shoulder smiling of course. He will go to him without a fuss though. My mom came one weekend and took a while for him to warm up to her. I gave him to her and he did a huge sad face and started crying every time, till he warmed up and let her hold him but kept a eye on me. Totally opposite of Brayden who went and still goes to anybody, it's so funny how different they are. Jordan is 16 pounds and 28 inches long. Such a long boy. His favorite things are his froggy's that he sleeps with and music, music, anything with music just makes him so happy. Yes pulling himself up on everything like the couch, slide, side of his crib, everything!!  He loves to play with cups and balls. Brother has a few different size balls and Joey gets all excited when he sees one and picks it up puts it in his mouth then kind of throws it and then repeat. Even if it is like 3x his size he still trys to pick it up. He has cute blond hair and looks so much like daddy. He has beautiful blue blue eyes and long long eyelashes that EVERYONE comments on. He is growing up so fast and I just want it to slow down but I love seeing him reach all those little milestones. He is my cuddle bug and I just can't get enough of his smile.

Not much went on with me and Josh this month. I was sick on Easter with the flu but made the best of it. The boys got their Easter baskets and did a small Easter egg hunt in our backyard for Brayden while Joey chilled on the blanket and we enjoyed the warm weather. Brayden got a little soccer ball that he loves to throw and kick around with dad. I can't wait to be a "Soccer Mom" Josh and I both are going to coach they boys teams when they are old enough and I can't wait!! My Parents are coming up the first weekend of April to spend some time with us and Josh's parents are coming up at the end of the month to visit, we haven't seen them since January so they haven't seen us in a while but we are looking forward to have some family time this month! We are going to start on our garden boxes soon and doing our flowers and roses in the front yard and getting the lawn ready for some spring and summer fun! Also I got a bike and a carrier that hooks on the back that both boys can fit into so we can go on bike rides.  I am so happy that March is finally over and I want some freaking warm weather so I can take the boys to the park more and do bubbles and coloring and setting up the pool and just getting out of this House!!!

Happy Easter! And Spring!!!

The Unknown

I am up way to late but I can not sleep, My nerves are getting the best of me. Tomorrow the 25th we start the process of getting Brayden tested for Autism. I know that we are not going to know right away but I want to know for me. I want to be the best mom for my little man, I love him so much and want to do it right. I want to right tools to help him learn and grow that's best for him. I feel like I am in the dark and I just need someone to hand me that flashlight so I find my way to help my son.

I am so ready for whatever happens. If my baby is Autistic then I will do my best as a stay at home mom to be my son's serenity, I will accept it with an open heart, and I will learn and I know it will be a challenge but I am ready for it. I am also scared that I will fail as a mother, that I won't understand and get frustrated. I have to remind myself that I am only human. If my son is not Autistic then I am ready for that too, ready for the help I need to help him improve. Being in the Unknown is killing me. I think my sanity should hopefully return when we finally get answers.

My heart is full of gratitude for my Josh. We are always thinking and acting the same way and that is why we are made for eachother. He is so understanding of Brayden and very patient with him. Brayden has always had an extra special connection with his Daddy that I use to envy but understand now. My husband has been my rock and wants answers just as much as I do and is ready to go the extra 10,000 miles to help our boy. I am so grateful for neighbors and all their help with helping me get into the right programs right away and just understanding that I am trying to balance a very needy, not independent 6 month old who never sleeps, with a high energy, non communicating 2 1/2 year old.

I can not express my love of my son in simple words. He is my first miracle and makes me smile everyday, he gives me purpose in my life, and there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for him.
Mommy loves you Brayden Bruce Morton NO MATTER WHAT!!

Living in the Stone Age

Wow it has been about a year since I updated our blog. Total blog fail but in my defense we have not had a computer or internet since we moved to Eagle Mountain, only our Iphones. We decided with our tax refund this year we would get a computer and internet!! Yes we were living in the stone age for awhile, but at the same time I felt like I got to spend more time with my kiddos.

Quick update on everyone. Yes I had many more complications with my pregnancy but that would take FOREVER to blog all the details, so on August 27th, 2012 Jordan Bradford Morton came into this world weighing 6lbs 15oz and 20 inches long. He is 6 months old now and my cute fluffy blonde, yet the hardest baby ever!! He never sleeps, not even naps, the max amount he will sleep at night is 3 hours and mommy is going to go crazy. his bottom teeth are just breaking skin right now and I haven't had more than 4 hours a night of sleep in 2 weeks and yes I look like a Zombie. He has been sitting up on his own since 5 months and is creeping now and grabbing EVERYTHING, even the cat, which he Loves and giggles at whenever he sees him. I think in a few weeks he will either be crawling or army crawling. He has big blue eyes(from mommy) and fluffy blonde hair that I just can't get enough of. He is Josh's little mini me, their baby pictures look sssoooo much alike, I adore it. He is a wonderful eater, he eats anything you put in front of him except peaches. Lil stinker will not take a bottle but will a sippy cup, so he just nurses, all the time ugh. He is my miracle and always will be and I am grateful everyday that he is in my life and such a strong boy. We got some wonderful family pictures and Joeys 6 months pictures done for Spring that I will always treasure and we had a wonderful photographer from Walmart, of all places, I know!! My baby is growing way too fast and I am so not ready for him to be mobile yet, but he has his own plans :)

Brayden, um where do I start? He had a rough time going from a only child to sharing mommy and daddy to a screaming infant. He sometimes will try and hold brother but only for a minute then wrestle him to the ground, boys! When he turned two in November we noticed he wasn't talking at all yet, not mimicking or even pointing, so communication was really hard and frustrating. We figured he was just behind and got him in a early intervention program that they come out to our house every two weeks. He made some progress with his pointing and signing more then when we made him do more things out of his comfort zone and he regress, now he refuses to sign, has a lot of sensory issues, just started pointing last week, which I am loving!! His behavior sadly got worse, part being a 2 year old boy and we keep seeing more and more signs of Autism. His doctor suggested we get him tested as well as the Intervention Program. So on March 25th we begin testing. I love him so much and as a mother you want your children to succeed and develop normal, It has been a challenge for me to see other children younger than Brayden passing him up and I cry. I do not cry for Brayden or his Autism(if he is) I cry for me that I can be strong enough to learn the tools I need to help him and make him a happier kid. I am not going to get into depth on this subject too much until we get the actual diagnois. It takes a lot of work to mother a strong willed child, but he is making me a better person and mother and I can finally say I am ready to begin our learning journey together. He is so smart it is crazy, he can do memory games on the Iphone or tablet faster than me now and has the Iphone mastered. He LOVES cars and just started getting into planes! He sleeps with them and my house as turned into a parking garage for all his hot wheels!



Josh is busy, busy working on the "Spy Center" everyone keeps calling it, which is a government building in Eagle Mountain at Camp Williams. He works as a Assistant Project Manager for a huge electrical company out of Virgina. This project should keep him busy for the next 6-10 months and we will see how much they offer for us to move out there. We really love our home and community and do not plan on moving....unless we get lots more money... then we will think about it ;) He will most likely apply for a job in Salt Lake and we will stick around here. I am super lucky he is all mine, he always helps me with the boys, dishes, housework, and everything without me even asking. He suprises me all the time with little things, like a season of 3rd Rock from the Sun (which is a favorite) He is my best friend and amazing man. I love him so much, his boys just love their daddy.

I am just staying super duper busy with the boys. I really don't get out much, 2 boys are a lot of work and keeping up with the house, laundry, dinners. I really don't even have time to do those half the time...oh well. I would rather do floor time and play with Brayden while Jordan sleeps, then clean my house. When the weekends rolls around is the only time I can get stuff done. Plus if I clean then Brayden the tornado, rips through it and makes it worse! hehe I love my boys. I thought it was hard keeping up with 1 kid, now that I have 2, it is impossible to get ANYTHING done. I love doing little craft for my house, I just love this house and can't wait till it warms up again so we can enjoy our yard again! We are making garden boxes this year and I am going to grow some zucchini and tomatoes. I just started Zumba and I love it, just wish I had a friend to go with.

 I made it a goal to do better with my blogging.

These Angels are my life and I wouldn't change it!

Strong Baby Boy

So to continue our horror stories, After we found out the emergency ultrasound turned out fine and little one was just chillin in mommas belly like nothing was going on, yet again I was terrified that we lost the baby from the extremem pain I was having. The doctor checked for kidney stones and gallbladder issues but all the urine and blood samples came back normal. I however still had that extreme pain and had to have the morphine every 2 hours through out the night and was upchucking or dry heaving every hour. In the morning the doctors finally figured out that I tore some ligaments and muscles in and around my stomach. So then it was recovery time for the next few days. We were discharged on Tuesday with a crap load of meds and my feeding tube. Still unable to take anything orally but everything goes through the feeding tube.

Slowly I was feeling better, still on bedrest but could do my own medicines and mostly take care of myself. Luckily I have family and neighbors to help me take care of my 16 month old who is a huge spaz and handful, so my husband could work. Sadly only 11 days after getting tube installed it completly clogged where we couldn't put anything through it. So back to the ER we went and the nurses and doctors all tried but said I had to get a new one. I was not excited. They took it out so easy and prepared me for the new one, it was a different doctor this time and I wasn't the biggest fan. He numbed me and just couldn't get the tube past my stomach so he was gagging me and I threw up all over myself due to him playing around in my stomach and my sinus felt like it was on fire. We finally got it but couldn't stop dry heaving and my head felt like it was going to explode. They let us go back home a few hours later and I was miserable for the next few days and felt like I regressed.

For the next week I was slowly feeling a little bit better again, was getting a little stronger and started gaining a tiny bit of my weight back. I am already a small woman but lost ten pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight, still not to my weight yet but was getting strength from the nutrients in my feeding tube. My wonderful mommy came to help for a week so I could focus on recovering while she took care of the house and my Brayden while Josh worked. Josh is an amazing man, he works so hard during the day then comes home and takes care and plays with his son while helping me and taking care of dinners and housework and medical bills. He is my Superman and truly a great role model for my boys. I was starting to feel depressed and after a long day he would listen to me and make me feel better, I know I am the luckiest woman alive to have him all to myself.

So on the 21st we had our ultrasound appointment to find out the gender and all week that was all I could think about and honestly gave me strength in my depression, it gave me something to look forward to. We knew that this was going to be our last pregnancy due to all that has happened so we were hopeing for a girl but since the begining I had a feeling it was going to be a boy, but honestly we are at the point that we don't care what the sex is as long as it is healthy. We knew we had a strong little miracle and sex didn't matter any more to us. the ultrasound tech got all ready and right away the baby was sleeping with its legs spread apart just for us to see, haha and she said " No doubt it's a boy" All the parts are there and Josh and I held hands and just cried in excitement. The stinker was sleeping so I kept poking my tummy to get him so move so he kept putting his thumb in his mouth and turned away from us with his hands behind his head just chilling. Such a chill little boy after all this little miracle has been through. I have always been a tomboy, athletic and energtic so two boys is right up my alley and Brayden is going to make a great older brother, they will grow up playing sports together and everything works out for a reason.

On Saturday the 24th of march we decided it would be best if me and Brayden went down to Cedar City with my mom, so I could take care of him in the morning and get help from friends and family in the afternoon because I was doing better but not strong enough to take care of him full time. Also Josh could keep working and get a small break because we all know that he deserved one. The drive was very hard on me, I wasn't use to being up that much and packing myself and Brayden in the morning, keeping him entertained in the car, trying not to vomit and taking care of my feeding tube. So in general I over did it and felt the effects that night. I was exhausted. Remember that I still couldn't hold any food or fluids down except jello or a popcile sometimes.

Sunday rolls around and I was taking care of my onery son who woke up early due to teething, and was just feeling lke crap. Luckily my mom came home from church to check on me and took Brayden back with her to give me a break and try to rest. Well I was laying down and noticed I had a contraction and thought to myself well that was weird must be from over dueing it yesterday. So as the hour passed they got stronger and more painful and closer together, so I rushed to the bathroom and realized that I was bleeding, so my full panic and scared mode kicked into high gear, my mom had just gotten home and put lil man down for a nap. I yell to her that I need to go to the ER right away. I was shaking I was so scared and all I kept thinking was I am going to lose my baby boy. My mom helped me into the car and had my sister-in-law watch my son. My contractions were about 10 minutes apart and very strong.

We get to the ER and my mom wheels me into the waiting room and we are sitting there waiting for the nurses to come get me(which was forever) and I felt a seizure coming on, so my mom screams to the back that I felt like I was going to have one and the nurses were just taking there time talking and walking slow, next thing I know I have a seizure in the wheelchair, luckily my mom held me up so I did't hit the floor and a nice random lady was there to help but no stupid nurses. Finally they take my passed out body to the back and start an IV. Not a fan of the nurses. So I was still bleeding and contractions were getting closer together, let me remind you that I am only 16 weeks along. They gave me more seizure meds and hooked me up to a mointer to watch my contractions and babies heartbeat. I did get an ultrasound he wasn't moving much but my cervix was closed but very low so they were concerned but baby looked fine. They started me on 3 shots that help stop contractions but make my heart rate go way crazy and makes my whole body extremley shakey. It was one of the worst feelings ever but was willing to do anything to save my baby. After the second dose my contractions finally stopped and little man was moving around like crazy, he was doing break dancing or something but he was moving!!

Was sent home a few hours later with still some small contractions and was having this non stop pain on my right side of my abdomen and put on strict bed rest. It was a long painful night of no sleep. In the morning we went to my mom's OBGYN in Cedar who is amazing!! He checked everything but was worried about how tender I was on the right side and still having contractions and extreme pain, he was worried that my appendix was infected or about to burst, so he ordered a MRI. I was terrifed, I couldn't stop crying and was so worried, plus I didn't have my Josh by my side and was missing him. Well we got the results back later that evening and my appendix looked fine but the MRI showed I have a huge fibroid that was causing me to bleed and causing my pain leading to contractions and pre-term labor. This was an issue with my first pregnancy I was in alot of pain from fibroids and put on bedrest for most of my pregnancy but never this early and that is why my docotors are so concerned that I am having alot of troubles so early in this pregnancy. I was put on some strong meds to help shrink the fibroids to stop the contractions but they are going to get bigger and come back and I have more than one, so in a way I wish it was my appendix so I could have surgery and get over the pain, but looks like this is only the begining for a very long hard pregnancy...

It will be worth it in the end

Well what a trip this pregnancy has been! And I wont lie this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my life. I will be given you the "short" version of what has been going on. But Yes we are having another baby BOY! We are so excited to see our boys grow up together! We do have a name picked out but are waiting until he is born to announce it. haha But yes I have hyperemesis gravidarum which is excessive vomiting due to pregnancy. About 2 percent of women get it, lucky me!

MARCH MADNESS: As some know towards the end February I was on IV Home health at home and was having issues with the IV's and was still having seizures. On March 1st my IV clogged and I had a seizure and was admitted into the hospital right away. A fewhours later I had a feeding tube installed. Wow that is a horrible procedure all they do is shot numbing medicine up your nose and stick a tube through the nasal cavity down your throat through your stomach into your small intestine. It is a horrible feeling and sensation, the doctor doing the surgery asked if I have had this done before because he said I did very well for my first time, I guess I was so determined to feed my baby that i blocked everything out.

So after the feeding tube was installed I was still vomiting and weak. Hospitals are the Worst place to try and sleep. My husband stayed there every night with me. First off you are hooked up to million different cords and the tube is super uncomtreble, the beds are hard and small also my blood pressure was dangerously low so the nurses were in every hour either giving me meds or checking my vitals. So day 2 rolls around at the hospital and I have this horrible horrible headache that won't go away and was getting so bad i would cry whenever I moved my head. Doctors were afraid I was at risk of having a clot in my brain so I had a MRI which everything turned out normal and was given more Tylenol and eventually started getting better. Day 3 at the hospital rolls around and I seemed like I was doing a little better I was learning to tolerate the tube and finally got some nutrient to me and the baby so we were hoping to go home the next day. Around 8:00 that evening threw up quite a bit and started having extreme extreme abdominal pain, where I was hunched over and just bawling. I wasn't bleeding but the pain was just unbearable. The nurses rushed in and asked if I wanted anything for pain I rejected because I was already on so much meds I din't want to hurt my baby. So they scheduled an emergency ultrasound and while we were waiting for that, Josh was just holding me and rubbing my back, holding my handand kept telling me everything was going to be alright, finally the pain was so bad I was begging for the pain meds, I was given a form of morrphine and it hit me hard, making me feel loopy. The ultrasound turned out normal

New Baby Drama

Well as most of you know we have had a challenging couple weeks. Lets start from the begining ...On Dec 27th I texted my husband a picture of a positive pregnancy test with "Guess What Daddy?!" We had been trying for a few months and were very excited, he brought me home flowers that night and we cried with excitment.
As most of you know I am epellptic and have been since I was 14 and was on bedrest with my last pregnancy with my son and they had to take him out 3 weeks early beacuse i had 3 sezuires and painful fiberoids that made me bleed. So this pregnancy we wanted to be extra careful. Around 6 weeks I started getting the horrible morning sickness but more nauesa than vomitting and we increased my sezuire meds trliptal which are ok during pregnancy but not really tested so there is always a risk for birth defects but a greater risk is to have a sezuire and lose the baby. At 8 weeks the nausea and vomitting hit really hard and I had some blood spotting so we went in early and had a ultrasound but everything turned out fine other than a small tear from implantation.

At 9 weeks I had a horrible night where I was upchucking all night and all morning and couldn't keep my oral sezuire meds down, so i called my doctors and told me to go to the ER. So I called my husband at work he came home and straight to the hospital we went. We walked into the waiting room and next thing I know i woke up in a strecher with like 5 nurses looking at me. I guess I had a sezuire on the waiting room floor. So the gave me IV fluids and increased my sezuire meds also giving me more dissloving anti nausea meds. I had another small sezuire in the ER But of course my main concern was the baby and if we lost it. They immediatly roll me into the ultrasound room and check the baby. I will never forget the sigh of releif I felt when I heard that strong heartbeat and I just started bawling. Baby was wiggling and going strong! We were sent home that night finally hydrated and lil less nausea.

Through the next few weeks I had good and bad days. some days I would have morning sickness all day and others just nausea. Just as i thought I was getting better around 12 weeks thats when the worst hit. Last thursday I started feeling really crappy again and was up all night again upchucking everything and couldn't keep my sezuire meds down again so we called the doctors again and was sent to the ER. Josh came from work again and we dropped our 15 month old with the neighbors and went back to the hospital. Sadly we pulled up to the ER and I had a sezuire in the car. So the doctors got home health set up. the nurse came that night and started teaching Josh how to run my IV.

Its been almost a week now and I am extremly weak and have lots of meds and fluids running in me every few hours. I still can't hold any foods or liquids down but my hubby has been so wonderful on taking care of me. i have to get a new IV every 3 days now and its been a challange when my veins are stubborn, I have had lots of blown veins. The only thing getting me through this is the ultrssound picture on my IV pole. I know this baby is going to be so strong and specail. I did have another sezuire at home yesterday but all is well and i am just super drugged up. Thank you all for your prayers and love. I love my Josh so much for all his wonderful support and becoming my sexy nurse :) I will keep you posted1 Thank you to my sis for comimg up and taking care of my brayden and me while Josh works..lots of love xoxox